Second "date" with Mr. Colin. Should I even call them dates? Like, I don't even know when hang outs become dates. Or when friends become officially boyfriends or whatever. Do people have a discussion about this with their significant other? It's not like we see each other everyday so its hard to really say.

Which makes me think that I want to see him tomorrow. And I could drive to his place. But, I don't know. I'll have to call him to see what he thinks.

So, yesterday I jumped on the 2:04 train - R5 - to Haverford. I get there and Colin meets me at the station and we walk to campus. On the way he passes a few of his friends (since everyone at that college know each other - they're all his friends). I feel weird though. They always look at us/him and say "Oh, have fun, boys." or something to that effect. And I don't know how to respond. Like, I do hope I have fun with him and I do hope I have fun with him. But I don't want people who I don't know be all like, "I know what you're going to do." It's creepy.

So anyway, he gave me a tour of Haverford and I ahve to say that it looks really nice. The facilities are very clean and new. I just am sad that the school only has such a small student body that the facilities aren't being used all the time. But I guess that's why they're still so new and shiny. After the tour we went to town and saw a movie. The Science of Sleep. Buying the tickets, for some reason I felt that the people at the movie theater were looking at us strangely. Or maybe it was just me. When they asked how many tickets, Colin said one and he explained because he was a member of the theater or something so he got cheaper rates. I don't know. So I had to get my own ticket. Oh well.

The movie was pretty good. As always I wanted to hold his hand and everything but at the same time I kind of wanted to see what he would do. I gave him all the opportunities and everything but he wasn't biting. Okay, whatever. Then after about a third of the movie, I noticed that he was leaning in a little bit and so at that chance, I leaned in too and let our shoulders touched. After a few minutes of this, his head abruptly descended upon my shoulder. So, he's nervous. I took his hand and they were a little shaky, so he's nervous. It was cute and it only made me like him more. Science of Sleep was a good date movie, I think. But I don't really feel like going into depth with it because other things happened that night too. Although, that guy - Gael something something - is pretty cute. And he's tri-lingual which is hot.

We then went back to his place. More awkwardness, I thought. This time (as opposed to when I first came to his place I sat in the computer chair and he on the bed) I sat on the bed and left room for him to sit on it too. But he strolled in and didn't even close the door and sat on the computer chair. We just kind of made small talk and stared at each other. He made a few funny faces that I didn't really know how to read so I asked him. And he was like, "What what? What?" which was funny but got a little old. But after a while and some semi-crafty small talk from my end, he made his way onto the bed. Except I we were facing away from each other, kind of. My head was on the bottom half of the bed and he was on the top half. But, after a while, I switched and laid with him on the bed. And so on and forth, we met in the middle and kissed.

And made out for an hour or so, I don't remember. My pants were off, my outer shirt was off. His feet were cold. Like, ice cold. But he was nice overall. I kind of enjoyed his little fat and his fluff on his chest. He was so self-conscious of his midsection earlier. Well, not "so" self-conscious, but you know. Whatev.

I really like him. And I do believe that he really likes me.

I wonder if I should volunteer the option of seeing him tomorrow. But I have classes the next day. Argh.

I figured that working in the pharmacy in a hospital, I didn't have to really deal with the day to day care of a patient or the consequences of that day to day care. Sure, sometimes I would get a call that required me to bring up some insulin stat - or else the patient will fall deeper into the health hole - so to say, I guess. Sometimes, life and death is just a short vial away.

But it never really was me who was saving people. It was the doctors and nurses and everyone who was physically touching the patient. I was just the guy who supplied the tools, the medicine.

But today, I got a call for some Tylenol , liquid. So I get that to them, nothing really hard. But later, I found out that there was a failure in communication and the reality was that a baby had needed that Tylenol. If no one (if the pharmacist) had not seen this, the baby would have died because Tylenol was too strong for that baby. It wasn't really my fault since I did the best with the information that I had at the time. But when the pharmacist said,

"You could have killed that baby."

It was paralyzing.

That's why there's always checks and balances. And we can't save 100% of the patients but we can try to, at least.

Today was such a good day. So I wake up and was excited because of my plans for today. I quickly grabbed a shower and got dressed and hopped on the train.

On the way to Deanna's apartment, a red Jeep slowed down a little when it got to where I was walking and this old man looks out. Not old bearded man, more of an old 50-ish man with glasses and a beer belly. So I was kind of freaked but acted as if it was the most natural thing in the whole world, being looked at by an old man. So I just kept on walking. The man resumed his normal speed and parked a little up on the side. He got out and started to talk into his cellphone but as I walked past him I felt him following me with his eyes. I just continued walking and acted as if I hadn't noticed. The first chance I got, I ducked into Deanna's apartment complex and finally, I took a deep breath. Deanna came down and rescued me a few moments later.

I met her friend, Rachel who is really nice. When I meet girl friends of Deanna I am always careful to not assume that they are lesbians. Which is a good thing since Rachel was not a lesbian. We, Rachel and I, both like the cock. The three of us had a late brunch then met up with Deanna's friend Rob (from last weekend) and the four of us went to the Philadelphia Art Museum in which we visited the much sought after Rocky statue. I was like, "meh. So, it's a statue. Heh."

Then climbed the legendary famous steps into the museum. Sundays are free except for a donation. So I donated one dollar. And we got nifty pins. Of course Rob paid the full price but he's 27 so he can afford it. Bastard.

So I was the tour guide since I knew more about the art museum than any one of them (Rob is a fag and therefore only likes Van Gogh, Deanna is a lesbian - she fixes doors and Rachel is from Boston so she hasn't been to the museum. I hope Deanna and Rob never see this) so I was acting like my usual tour guidey self - mainly being an asshole and saying things like, "That is a display case, made circa 1995 in China, most likely although there is some debate in its exact origins. Used back in the day (and now) to display things." and everyone would just groan and roll their eyes.

"This is a statue. It is made of stone. Or something hard like that. Maybe granite. Or marble. Whatever. And it is very expensive."

"This frame was made in the 1700's by the Dutch. Look at its ornate flowerings and letterings. The painting, done by some guy named Gogh, is only there to accentuate the frame. And boy, does it accentuate it well?"

"There is nothing to see here, it is all tacky."

Then we left to get lunch. I was supposed to meet Colin at the 30th Street Station at 3:00 PM and it was already 2:00 PM. But we walked all the way from the Art Museum to Market Street and 18th. Had lunch at the Ruby's in Liberty Place. Had a soup, put up five dollars and left to meet Colin. It started to drizzle a little bit. As I approached the station, Colin called me and we met in the middle. I was glad he wasn't 6'5".

Okay, here's the deal. The last time I met someone online the guy was tall and I do not like tall guys. It only makes me look way way way short. So I cannot go for that. But I was glad that Colin was not 6'5". He was about 5'8" or whatever. I don't want to sound superficial or anything but height is very important to me. It's one of those things that can make or break a person for me. I know some people will understand.

Also, his facebook picture looked weird so I'm glad he wasn't weird looking. He looked good. He is a redhead and he kind of looks like one of those actors in Stargate or something, I don't know. He looks familiar but different and new at the same time. We started walking towards the Bubble House. And then it started to pour.

You know, this is the thing that would happen to me. Upon meeting someone, it will rain and cancel our plans. We took refuge in a subway station underground and after a while of talking, we decided to take the subway to City Hall and thereabouts. But we missed our stop since we were talking or not paying attention. So we ended up close to Chinatown and the Gallery. I took him to Penang. Well, I gave him a choice since I am really bad at choosing things. Rangoon or Penang? He picked Penang. I like Penang. They have good food there. So we had our lunch.

Digress a little. Some people know that I stutter a lot. I mean, most people think that I just get tongue tied sometimes. Or whatever. And this is also another one of those things that I feel so ashamed about. People might say its cute or whatever but I just think its annoying. I've developed tricks to overcome it. Like, I would think about what I want to say. But lately that hasn't been working anymore. Stuttering increases when I'm stressed, I think. But right now, I haven't been stuttering as much. Words have been flowing out of my mouth with maybe a kink or two sometimes. But nothing ever serious. Another trick I do is I take a deep breath and just kind of go with the flow and let it out. And lastly, I look elsewhere or gesture with my hands to kind of force the words out. I don't know why I stutter and I hate it and I wished I didn't have this because it makes people notice me or note me as the boy who stutters and I do not want to be known as the boy who stutters. I mean, I don't stutter often. But, I don't know. Argh.

Anyway, I wasn't stutter as much with Colin which was a surprise since he's a new person and I was plenty nervous. But was charming and witty and funny. After lunch he let me decided what to do next so I suggested a movie at the Ritz. We walked there and saw Haven. Which reminded me of Crash only everyone dies and has a bad ending in Haven. Relatively speaking, compared to Crash.

During the movie, I was so nervous because I'm never the one to make the first move. But Colin is shy (I think?) also so he probably wasn't going to make a move. I only wanted to hold his hand. But to actually go about doing it was a different story. First, I placed my arm on half of the arm rest and he did the same. I moved in a little closer and finally our two arms were side by side but our hands were at our mouths or something. He laid his arm down on the armrest and I followed suit. Then I took my pinky and scratched at his and then our two hands intertwined. But please note, this took about half the movie to accomplish because I am a pussy. There, I said it. But I liked holding hands. We didn't just hold hands, that was boring. But we wrestled and caressed and it was cute. And hot. He had nice hands.

Then the movie ended. And we walked to the Gallery again and I said, "Okay, we have two choices. I can just stay here and catch the R6 home or we can go together to your car and you can drive me to Temple's train station." and he's like, "yes"

"yes to which?"
"no, you can come along." which, I thought, meant that we are going to go to his car and he will drive me to the Temple Station. He's weird.

So we do that and reach his car. And I find out that he likes Death cab too. I asked him:

"So, when are you free again."
"Mostly every weekend."
"I'm not free next weekend."
"I'm free on Fridays."
"Are you free on October 8th? Not this sunday but next sunday."
"yes."
"So. Friday or Sunday?"
"yes."
"yes to which?"
"Either one."

I want him to come with me to OutFest. But I would be willing to hang out with him again on Friday. After I left though, I realized I didn't remember which date we had decided on. So I just e-mailed him and hopefully he will get back to me promptly - as promptly as Colin gets back to me. Which might take a few days. Boo.

So I think that things are finally going well. Deanna is introducing me to her wide world of gay people and fun things to do while I am meeting all these guys. I feel good. As if I can change tides and predict earthquakes and be a better person. I can't stop smiling. But, as always, there's always this voice or thought in the back of my mind whispering to me that this might all end one day. And I have to be prepared for this. But hopefully that day will be far away and many happy dates will come before it.

Goodnight

I have this one coworker who is eccentric in the artistic sense. I have to say "in the artistic sense" because all of my coworkers are weird in their own little way and it is unfair to single one person as being more weird than the next. Because you can't classify these things.

Anyway, this coworker is a 30-something man living in Philadelphia. From what I can discern, he has a daughter but he is divorced and has a girlfriend named Edna or something like that. He posted on the pharmacy fridge this poem:

Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue.
I like peanut butter,
Can you skate?

This is what I mean by "eccentric in the artistic sense." Sometimes he'll quote Shakespeare. Like today he said, "That lady doth complain too much, methinks." From Hamlet. Well, I told him it was from Hamlet since apparently he hasn't read the play ever before. In the pharmacy there are bags for each nurses station labeled 2A or 2B or 4A etc. Well, for 4B he wrote "4" out in fancy letters and drew a picture of a bee with buzzing sounds underneath so there is no confusion.

We have this Indian women who works in the pharmacy too and sometimes she has this accent that makes it hard to understand, especially when she's talking about drugs. Anyway, one day we ran out of staples or something so she told him (Marc) to order some more. But her wording was off since she didn't speak English natively. So Marc, being Marc, wrote down exactly what she said on the order pad for the people in the morning. So I was there the next day and saw a chorus of giggles. Marc had written down "stepler pins". Stapler pins. Which would be...staples. And of course, sometimes Marc would write down "cucumber" or "gallon of milk" on the order form just to be funny.

His stories about his daughter are funny too. Like, from what I gather, his daughter is a huge dork who is interested in Japanese anime/culture and who is on the computer all day long. He describes how when he attempts to engage his daughter in conversation she just says, "Goodbye dad." and waves her hands. I mean, he's not mad, just amused.

I wouldn't know how I would react if I had kids who did that to me. But hopefully I never have kids like that. I mean, I'm a cool person. Kids would pay me to hang out with them.

"Love is only real at seven. There's no sex to muck things up then. Love only consisted of wanting to be with the person and not fucking their brains out since you didn't even know what fucking was.

Today I was learning how to make more IV's at my job. The IV I was making today were Morphine Sulfates - basically used for people who's life is ending so their suffering is less. Each dose is more than the previous since they are in more pain. Anyway, I was making it and I guess I didn't put the needle into the IV bag straight and it went through the little tube and stuck me in the finger. Oddly, no pain. But it was bleeding and now I am typing with a bandaged finger. It's weird but whatever.

But what really is on my mind tonight is this: I think its "strange" how many people's lives that I have touched. Not in the "I'm saving lives" kind of way but more of how people know me and how they will always remember me as being part of their lives at a certain point in their lives. Like, to my friends in high school I would live on forever in their memory as their high school friend. No one else will replace that image. I know its really hard to explain what I'm talking about.

Maybe in the context of lovers. Because that's how I am thinking about it in my head.

For example, say you go out and have a relationship with someone. That someone will then have their lives affected and influenced by you. It doesn't really sound weird or profound when I put it down into words on a screen but I guess the feelings associated with this thought is what is making me feel so weird. The people I've known and the people I've gotten intimate with will always be there in some form in my memory even if they have gone their separate ways. Its their influence that has a certain quality to it. No one lives in a bubble without any human contact, you know?

I guess maybe because it's 1:00 AM and I have just been doing physics homework (which started to make less sense) but I'm feeling influential tonight. And I want to touch somebody.

Today I realized that I really need a boyfriend.

Bio review in the morning, I called Derek since there were still seats in the review session so I didn't have to review with him afterwards. So I had an hour free earlier than I would have if I had to review with Derek. So I spent it with Deanna. We got lunch and then Deanna asked me if I wanted to hang out with her friend Rob. I'm always leery when hanging out with people who I didn't know because sometimes there isn't a good escape plan if they end up being assholes. But I decided to anyway. I mean, you gotta take chances, right?

Getting into the car with Rob, he had sunglasses on and a bluetooth headset and I just thought to myself, "Oh, he is such an asshole, I just know it." and his boyfriend - Dan - was too hot for words. So I just felt so ugly. You know. In the presence of people who probably think they're better than you or something. We drove to a parking garage and then Rob gave Dan a historical tour of Philadelphia. By this time, I didn't really think Rob was an asshole anymore. I mean, he took off his sunglasses and bluetooth headset and was really friendly. So I started to like him.

We went to the Liberty Bell and to Ben Franklin's house and stuff. Then to South Street (the part that was after Condom Kingdom) then to the Water Front in which Rob and Dan were acting too cute for words.

And so it continued after that - the flirting and kissing between them two as we strolled into Giovanni's Room and to Condom Kingdom and cheesesteaks. I mean, I had Deanna with me and they weren't doing it the whole time but when they did, I was thinking to myself - "I really want that."

Like, nothing else. I just want someone who will share inside jokes with, hold my hand, you know, hold me. Laugh. Cry. Everything. But, I'm either too busy or the guys who I've had encounters with haven't been worthwhile enough for me to include them in my busy life, you know? Like, they're all good guys and I don't know if they would be so willing to be in a relationship with a busy guy like myself who won't have any time to go on dates except for once or twice a week. Or who will have a ten o'clock bedtime since he's so tired.

But this Haverford guy. I like him because he's really busy too and I think it could work out. He's really bad at answering e-mails and he probably is only free thrice a month or so so I wouldn't feel so bad when I'm not free. But hopefully he's free when I'm free. He actually canceled our coffee date today because he wanted to visit his Vassar friend. Next weekend, he promises.

Better be next weekend, bitch.

PS. "Spooning leads to forking" is from my good friend - Jason yesterday. I like it.

Maybe it isn't quite Friday but I think it is. Tomorrow I have a biology lecture to sit through and then a biology lab. Then afterwards, four hours to do nothing until I have the Common Ground Speed Dating thing. I wonder how that would turn out.

I've been feeling so apprehensive for the longest time lately. Like, I don't know how my future would be. Talking to Mr. Ryan T in my physics and orgo chem classes makes me feel so lazy and unprepared for Pharmacy school - if I even get it. Apparently Temple Pharm school only has 100 seats for Temple Students. I don't even think USP has one seat for outside students. Wilkes has about 65 - according to Mr. Ryan. I don't even know where he gets these numbers. But I believe it. Everyone in the pre-pharm program is talking about it and I am getting so nervous and anxious about it.

I registered for my PCATS last week - $105 down the drain. The PCATS are in October, a month away. I am still studying and brushing up on my non-existent Biology knowledge and my shaky Chemistry facts. I am freaking out. I have to do well on this one. I have to get accepted into Temple or USP or even Wilkes' school of Pharmacy. I cannot fail. I don't know what my parents will even say if I do fail. I know they'll start comparing me to my cousin and how she got in easily.

FUCK.

They didn't require the PCATS three years ago. The PCATS are a relatively new thing. If I had known better I would have just applied to USP's six year program. Goddamn. Somehow, it's my fault.

The one pre-pharm friend (whose name I can't spell but sounds like Duh-neen) says that I should have a backup plan. Yeah, my backup plan would be applying for pharm school next year. Oh, I don't even want to think about it. I mean, technically I should declare a major now since I have more than 30 credits (36, ahem). And I think I'm going to declare biology as a major. But I need to get into Pharm school and I am stressing out about it.

I'm stressing out about my Physics class - I don't even know what's going on. Okay, I understand Newtonian/Classical Physics - mostly. But I still don't understand curved motion or how to answer "magnitude and location" questions. I know that if I reason things out, they shouldn't be so bad. Okay, my mind is separated like so - on one side I could imagine situations out and manually do the math or I could trust blindly in my calculus and arrive at the answer without really thinking about it. And I know I should do both. But after some time, I forget what omega stands for (radians/sec, I think) or what mu is equal to.

Organic Chem - oh gawd. I cannot understand the hybridizations. sp3? sp2? I'm answering the questions correctly but that's only because I'm memorizing the answers and situations in which the answers appear. I don't really understand it. And that is what scares me.

What if I become a really bad pharmacist? What if everyone will look at me in the future and say, "You are the worst pharmacist." or "If you can become a pharmacist, then I guess anyone can." Oh god. I don't know.

Biology? Man, it seems like biology is too easy. But I know it shouldn't. I know that there is a lot of stuff and the prof. is just sitting there talking about death or mumbling. I hate him. He's so old and I can't understand him.

Someone hold me.

I've got to remember to bring photoshop to the CG office tomorrow. And maybe some other programs. Ugh.

I got this from HERE who got it from HERE

1. I was born in Saigon, Vietnam. A year after my parents were married.
2. My birth year is 1987.
3. My sign is Capricorn. Tiger for the chinese zodiac. I don't know what my numerology number is, nor do I care.
4. I like to think I'm spoiled, in a working-class sort of way.
5. I have two younger brothers. I am the oldest.
6. I currently live in Norristown, PA. Although, I really want to not be here right now.
7. I hate it here. I want to live someplace where there is a lot of things going on, a lot of people nearby, and everything seems different than my life right now.
8. I work as a pharmacy tech and am also a student. I make okay money.
9. I'm 5'4" and 130 lbs. Although, I think I'm more. I think I'm fat and there's no way to dissuade me. I think I'm fat because I'm not skinny. And I want to be skinny. But in reality, you could say that I'm average. Although I need to exercise more.
10. I’ve never broken a bone, had surgery, been to the hospital, etc. Although, I did have a few ultrasounds for me heart, that wasn't in the hospital.
11. I did get really sick once. Strep throat. I thought i was dying.
12. I never really participated in any of the little kiddie sport things like baseball or boy scouts or whatever. Maybe because my parents are too protective or maybe because they were too poor. Or maybe because I'm a fag.
13. Instead, I studied and read books or just sat there wondering and pondering.
14. I want to do a handstand. But I haven't practiced in a long time.
15. My major in college - pre-pharmacy.
16. I decided pharmacy because my parents wanted me to. And because I was good in the sciences. But, now, I'm not sure anymore. I'm not sure about many things right now. I would have done pretty good, I think, in an English major or something since all of my English classes are pretty much straight A's while my science courses are B's. But whatever. I can do either one.
17. I used (and currently) am obsessed with being normal. Like, having normal things. Like a 9-5 job, normal friends, and normal sunsets. But right now, I think that I will never be normal. I will never have a normal anything. And I am okay with that. Normal is pretty boring anyway.
18. I don't know what my friends think of me.
19. I'm not a virgin.
20. I'm too particular when it comes to meeting and befriending guys. Like, to date. I hate everyone and this is why I'm single.
21. I used to actually hide in the closet when I was younger. I felt safe and secure there, in the dark. No one could find me.
22. I hate this university. I hate it so much. Everyone is so boring. Everyone is so dumb. But I met the best people there. I mean, I guess you have to go through a few rotten eggs to find the people who really click with you. But to be honest, I never imagined that I would be here at this university.
23. I don't think I've ever really studied studied. I started studying but just sort of gave up. I guess I pay attention in class often enough.
24. I wish to get high one day. And to get really drunk one day. Just for literary experience. And I kind of wish to get addicted to cigarrettes one day. It's just one of those things. Don't hate.
25. I was in a minor car accident senior year of high school. But I've been a good boy ever since.
26. I'm a bad driver. I'm asian and I'm a fag. It adds up.
27. I wish to be loved and wanted. I wish I was older and more independent. I wish for a billion dollars.
28. Most people think that I am shy and quiet and polite. But some people know better. I can be dirty and exciting sometimes.
29. Whenever I meet someone who I admire a lot or who just seems better than me, I try to emulate them. Like, I'll join in on their interests or say the things they say when they're not around. Perhaps, possibily, I am the combined results of all the people who I admired through the years. I guess I'm contrived.
30. I have been in love once. I think. But what is love?
31. You know who you are.
32. I like you but I'm not "in" like with you.
33. I'm not the kind of person who's like, "I love you" to friends or whatever. Because I don't. Well, I do but not in the truer sense of the word. Well, the sense of the word according to me. Translation? I do not want to boink my friends. Not necessarily.
34. I dont think I'm allergic to anything.
35. Oops, I am not married. However, I do have a binding contract to marry someone at the age of 35 if neither of us are married. Some people probably know who I'm talking about. I won't name names. However, I do not know if this is still in effect. To be honest, I always would like a safety net.
36. I've been to rock concerts and classical (Joshua Bell) concerts. I think the experience will be enhanced by the people I go with. They are good, nevertheless.
37. If I were straight, I would have a crush on Deanna.
38. Funny how group mechanics work. Everyone thinks alike. Even me.
39. My family and I don't talk anymore. Even if we're under the same roof.
40. In real life, I am less thoughtful than I am onlne. I think. I don't know. I know that I am different online than in real life.
41. I think people know I'm gay. But I'm not sure.
42. My dad doesn't talk to me anymore. He doesn't even say things like, "I'm going to get milk" or anything. I think I'm trying to find a partner like my father, someone who will give me the love I deserve, the love he never gave me.
43. My father and his brother don't talk either. No one talks in our family.
44. I can eat anything. And this is why I'm so fat.
45. I like cooking. But no one to cook for.
46. My parents used to say that I should practice my violin more so I can be a world famous violinist. When I didn't, they were disappointed.
47. I like to bite.
48. I get annoyed with people who ask too many questions. Sometimes, you just have to go with the flow.
49. I don't like beer. And I've never tried anything else.
50. I prefer pink lemonade.
51. I don't drink coffee. Unless it's in frappacino form.
52. My mother burps loudly and rudely. But only at home. Don't tell anyone.
53. I'm a buddhist. Thank god for their lax requirements.
54. I am good at figuring out computer problems. That's why people think I'm good at computers. I'm not. But I'm just really good at going online and following directions or just pressing buttons.
55. My favorite car ride games are the ones that reveal something about the passengers.
56. I really miss my innocence.
57. My humor is based on my wit. My intelligence. Although, I sometimes find other witty people annoying. I hope I'm not too annoying.
58. People laugh harder when I snort when laughing.
59. I'm lazy. Even if people don't think so.
60. People still think I look 14 on days when I've had a clean shave. Does this mean that all of my boyfriends (past and future) are potential pedophiles?
61. I want to dye my hair a different color just to see how it would look. But I like it being black. Many people would kill for this hair.
62. I think having grey hair would be sexy. Not peppered hair. But grey.
63. My commutes are longish. Well, for work its only two seconds. But to school, its way longer. So I read.
64. When I'm older I want to have a suburban home and a city home. That way, I can choose to be either one. I'm not sure if I want a rural home.
65. Do landlords make a lot of money?
66. Love comes in different forms. Some forms I reject.
67. This question is blank, so I don't know what to put here.
68. Sometimes I wish I were straight and on easy road.
69. I don't have any piercings or tattoos. I dont think I will ever get them. I'm too pussy. Plus, how would they look when I get older. Sometimes, I'm too superficial.
71. Sometimes I remember my dreams. Mostly, their mundane except for one weird little quirk. Like, i don't shoot lasers out of my eyes or whatever. But I'm stuck in the same mall time after time or whatever.
72. I dreamt that I died before. And I dreamt I had the most pure and sweetest love before. Waking up sucks.
73. I am an information junkie. I read/surf too much. I guess I always want to stay connected.
74. Music tastes are eclectic. Some people think I'm a music snob. But I don't think so. I like indie rock music, some techno songs, soundtracks, classical, some rap songs, some pop songs. I mean, whatever. I have a few guilty pleasures. But, you know, whatever, right?
75. I am a total nut for shy guys. But I'm too shy to approach them.
76. Sometimes I wish I was hot. Like, I wish I could turn heads. I wonder what they feels like.
77. In elementary school, one of the girls had a crush on me or something. We [the boys] were chasing the girls and she pinned me down on the ground and told me "no, stop it," I felt so embarassed I left the game.
78. I took advance classes in high school because I thought I should. I never really liked them.
79. I have a straight crush on one of the academic advisors at Temple. She's so awesome.
80. I like it when people find me interesting. But only one person at a time. Anymore and I feel like I'm suffocating.
81. I can go on any ride in an amusement park except for the centripidal force things. They make me sick.
82. I dont think I need cable TV. But then again, I've never lived without it.
83. I want to write a book. I want to write "that new and excting gay love story." but I have to have a gay love story first.
84. I used to think Britney Spears looked beautiful and sexy. Now, she looks so messed up and ugly.
85. Any male pop star, I believe, is a fag.
86. I like short films. And indie movies. But I never see too much of them. My money keeps going to hollywood movies.
87. I never puked from drinking. Because I never get drunk. I'm always the designated driver.
88. I never want to be on TV or in pictures. I guess thats why so few people have pictures of me.
89. Next vaction is a cruise to Mexico. August, mid.
90. Sometimes I alternate between a penny pincher and a total materialistic whore.
91. I've been hit on by most guys by most races. Except for Asians. I guess I'm not good looking enough for the asians. Oh wait, I have been hit on by an Asian guy. But he was looking for a hook up and I guess any cock will do.
92. My father still calls the owner of this convience store (who is indian) muslim. And to make it worse, he calls him Bin laden.
93. I believe that everyone has a soul mate, their 100% true perfect love. But I also think that many people settle for less.
94. I am addicted to blogging and reading other blogs.
95. I really want to help people. I like to tutor and all. I think that its the least I can do.
96. I really like recieving e-mail and snail mail messages. Sometimes I want to kill instant messagers because they take out the zest of communication.
97. I even like healthy cerals. In fact, I like anything. Except for those corn puffs or whatever. Yuck.
98. I want to have my freedom. But I'm scared to.
99. I liked to be liked. And sometimes I bend over backwards for people for this. I should stop it.
100. Making this list was long and difficult. But I enjoyed it. I didn't really know how to do it since I only had the answers and not the questions. But perhaps it was designed that way.

So yesterday as I was napping, getting ready for my awesome class in physics, the fag crew (a.k.a. the officers of Common Grounds - Tom, Deanna, Jordan, and I - but really it was just Tom, Deanna, and Jordan since I am in the subject) called me and roused me from my peaceful slumber.

"Uh?"
"Dennis, this is your post officer meeting phone call. blah blah blah."
"uh-huh"
"Could you do us a favor? We need you to make a flyer for us."
"uh?"
"By 11 tonight."
"For what event?"
"The gay speed dating. It's okay if you don't."
"Okay."
"Good. Thanks!"

Jordan calls me too on her cellphone at the same time Deanna called me. So it was attack of the krew! Anyway, I go to physics class all the while thinking about ideas for the flyers. When I worked at the library I used to make flyers all the time but my boss was a pain in the ass bitch who always said stuff like, "How about you move this over here?" or "That font doesn't look good." or "I think you need to redo this." so I felt/thought that I was really bad at making flyers. This was why I was hesitant at taking on the job. I thought the officer team would take a look at my flyers and say, "Uh...we were expecting something different." or something like that and they'll be disappointed and hate me.

But whatev.

I do the flyers. Three, actually. And I get them done by 10:45 PM. I go to e-mail Tom those flyers and instructions. Then Jordan e-mails me at 11 and says she needs the flyers. So I e-mail her the flyers but I get a return notice saying that her e-mail mailbox is over quota. Which, I guess, means full. So I write an e-mail telling her this. Of course, she doesn't write anything back to me. Whatever. I e-mail the flyers to Deanna just in case.

This morning I wake up and quickly check my e-mail to see if Jordan responded. She said she needed the flyers by 8:30 this morning. So it was 8:00 AM. I call Jordan. Twice. No answer. I didn't leave a message. She knows I called. So, during class at 10:30 AM or so, Jordan calls me. She leaves a voice mail telling me to just e-mail Deanna. duh. I just don't know why Jordan doesn't empty her mailbox. It's beyond me. So I call Jordan. No answer. I call Deanna. Deanna answers and looks for the files that I forwarded to her. Can't find them. I have to give Deanna my username and password into my e-mail account and from there she gets the files and everyone is happy.

But goddamn, it's not supposed to be this hard to print flyers.

Flipside, everyone loves the flyers. They're smart and witty and hawt. So I'm happy.

Work today was pretty good. I was with the Bossman and Olivia. Olivia and I have a Price is Right lunch date tomorrow. Hot.

So yesterday I was changing the oil in my car and then my father and I changed the oil in the van. I felt very manly because we didn't pussy out and go to a JiffyLube or anything. We jacked up our car and reached underneath and changed that sucker. Our hands got all dirty and I had to put my shirt in the laundry hamper thing.

But, goddamn, those mosquitoes kept bothering. Like once, I thought that a droplet of oil had fallen on my hand - this is why it was prickling. But, instead, a black and white mosquito was perched on my hand sucking away my blood. Then a little while later, I think the same mosquito was on my leg. Then my arm. Then my lower back where it was exposed.

So today, I have a ton of little itchy places that I know I shouldn't scratch but I do anyway. Stupid mosquitoes.

Tom wants me to think of fundraising activities for Common Grounds. Fuck. I don't know. Why am I the treasurer again? Oh, because no one else would. Suggestions, please.

Wanted: Someone who will say little lame quotes like

Okay, I can't really think of that many lame and corny things lovers say to each other. But you get the idea. And the third one is from Lifetime or some man-bashing network. I don't know. I don't think I want my loverboy to say that to me. But it was cheesy nonetheless.

Today started out so bad. I misread the train schedule and I thought the train was coming three six minutes before it actually came. So I arrived at the train station six minutes before the train was supposed to get there except the train was already there and it was leaving. And I'm not the kind of person to run after trains. I'm much too sophisticated for that shit.

So I had to drive. I started driving at 8:45 AM and assumed that since it usually takes me thirty minutes or so to get to Philly I would get there at about 9:15 AM. Well, I didn't count on there being morning rush traffic as well as construction work on the way. My class was at 9:40 AM. I got to school at 9:40 AM. I then had to go to a computer and look up the room number of my class since it was the first lab of the semester and I neglected to bring my roster with me. So I got the classroom number. Good thing I had looked up where the building was. So I went straight to the building and looked around for the room and I stepped into class at about 9:52 AM. I was 12 minutes late but it was no problem apparently. So I hastily sat down and tried not to look guilty even though I was.

The bio lab was fun. I met this nice girl and she and I did the lab together. She actually had someone's answers from last year so we just kind of half-did the experiments and copied down the answers. Shut up, I was tired from stressing out from being late for my first lab. Anyway, after the lab we walked together for a bit. She was a pre-pharm student but switched to bio and is thinking of doing dentistry. She was nice.

I was done everything by noon-time so I called up a few people for lunch and most of them were busy. I text-ed Deanna and we met up for lunch but really ended up doing chores for Common Grounds. We saw Kevin on the way to the office so he tagged along. We went to the office and I immediately created an account on the Windows XP computer and started to download Paint NET so I could make flyers. Deanna and I started to talk about doing a website for Common Grounds and I believe that I will be head of that. Which would be cool.

The Common Grounds Meeting was so fun. The most fun I've ever had at a Common Grounds meeting. It was like a board game night or something. We had twister, a few people were playing card games. There was Taboo. I played Twister with a few people. I gave up early because my legs/thigh/hip area was being too stretched out and it hurt. Well, I went to put away my outer shirt and shoes when I walked past the Taboo game and this guy was like, "Hey, come play."

I was checking him out at the beginning of the meeting. Mainly because he had nice arms. And he had a little lip ring thing too. Well, not on the lip but like the spot in between the chin and the lip. That is hawt. So I was excited that he invited me to play. But now that I think about it, he probably saw someone and invited them not because he was interested but because I had a heartbeat and probably would like to play or something. I don't know. I told him that I didn't know how to play Taboo so he said that he would help me out, it's no problem. And he was good. It was a fun time, I had a good time. After an hour or so people were leaving to have some food. Unfortunately, I didn't have the guts to ask him to come with us. He just kind of left. I mean, I was talking to him and then we were outside and he was just "Okay, see you next week." and walked away. Goddamn.

We had sushi with Deanna and her lesbian posse was well as my tall gay posse. Well, the two guys were taller than me but that's not really saying much. Sushi was fun. I never really hung out with people from CG so it was a nice change. The new frosh coming in are refreshing since at the end of last year there were less than ten people per meeting. Right now, I bet there was about twenty or even thirty people at today's meeting.

We sat on the picnic table, those metal grated ones where the metal is covered in the weird plastic or whatever, talking until the wee hours of the night. It was fun. But sometimes at these gatherings I find myself being more of a spectator than an actual participant. I mean, I contribute and all but sometimes I just watch people talk and interact with each other and notice the little nuances and whatever.

Then I went home. Now, I am mad tired and my body is mad achey. And I am totally crushing on Lauren. Too bad I couldn't find him on FaceBook. I mean, how many guys named Lauren could there possibly be?

Gay Speed Dating next week. I hope he shows up.

I guess everyone knows this in the back of their minds. We'll tell people who we think they look so handsome and pretty even when they're not. We'll tell our fat friends that they're looking great, have they been working out? We'll tell our parents that we're doing great in school or the cute guy that of course post modern art is oh-so interesting. We'll say to our bosses that that tie really brings out their eyes when it clashes with their shoes so badly.

You don't really realize it, you know? And sometimes I wonder how much, to what degree, do people do that this to me? Yeah, sure its something that one doesn't really think about, not out loud at least.

But there are still some moments when I know people are telling me the truth about myself. Like this woman I used to see sometimes at the library. A few days ago I saw her at the hospital and I didn't want to go up and talk to her since she probably doesn't want to be seen in a hospital visiting her sick mother or something, you know. Sometimes people don't want others to know about their personal lives. But she came up to me and said good morning. Then she said, "It's always so nice to see you, you always have a bright smile on your face. It always cheers me up." and somehow I knew that she was telling me a universal truth. Something that I just won't try to prove because its true 100%.

So one of my coworkers gave me a book, I'm not bothered enough to dig it out and read the title, but the book is about this guy who is going down a highway that is supposed to bring its travelers into different periods of time. Its like time traveling only its on a high way and the guy is in a 80-something pickup truck with a talking dictionary by his side. He's going back to the battle of Marathon to help out the Greeks or whatever win it. He's bringing guns and bombs and all this stuff back but every time he tries to go back, the "time police" stop him and confiscate his stuff and send him the other way. He's been doing this for twenty or so times.

It's such a weird book. With dragons, robots, time traveling and a lot of comedy. Like Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy only older.

We were talking in my physics class on how Time is a relative thing and how the only way that we know of the passing of time is the creation/desctruction and the change between moments of "time". If time were to suddenly stop, we wouldn't know about it because there would be no change, both in our environment and in our minds. If time were to stop but we were not affected, then time wouldn't have really stopped because we're still experiencing it. We're caught in its net and there's no way to escape it. Time is passing, on earth, at exactly one second per second. Just keeping on going on.

Sometimes I want to stop time and take a deep breath and never really move on, you know? If I can isolate a moment in time. Like, I guess I want to "bottle" a feeling. Ever hear of that Croce song, "Time in a Bottle"?

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day
Till eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
Id save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
Ive looked around enough to know
That youre the one I want to go

I really like that song.