Maybe it isn't quite Friday but I think it is. Tomorrow I have a biology lecture to sit through and then a biology lab. Then afterwards, four hours to do nothing until I have the Common Ground Speed Dating thing. I wonder how that would turn out.

I've been feeling so apprehensive for the longest time lately. Like, I don't know how my future would be. Talking to Mr. Ryan T in my physics and orgo chem classes makes me feel so lazy and unprepared for Pharmacy school - if I even get it. Apparently Temple Pharm school only has 100 seats for Temple Students. I don't even think USP has one seat for outside students. Wilkes has about 65 - according to Mr. Ryan. I don't even know where he gets these numbers. But I believe it. Everyone in the pre-pharm program is talking about it and I am getting so nervous and anxious about it.

I registered for my PCATS last week - $105 down the drain. The PCATS are in October, a month away. I am still studying and brushing up on my non-existent Biology knowledge and my shaky Chemistry facts. I am freaking out. I have to do well on this one. I have to get accepted into Temple or USP or even Wilkes' school of Pharmacy. I cannot fail. I don't know what my parents will even say if I do fail. I know they'll start comparing me to my cousin and how she got in easily.

FUCK.

They didn't require the PCATS three years ago. The PCATS are a relatively new thing. If I had known better I would have just applied to USP's six year program. Goddamn. Somehow, it's my fault.

The one pre-pharm friend (whose name I can't spell but sounds like Duh-neen) says that I should have a backup plan. Yeah, my backup plan would be applying for pharm school next year. Oh, I don't even want to think about it. I mean, technically I should declare a major now since I have more than 30 credits (36, ahem). And I think I'm going to declare biology as a major. But I need to get into Pharm school and I am stressing out about it.

I'm stressing out about my Physics class - I don't even know what's going on. Okay, I understand Newtonian/Classical Physics - mostly. But I still don't understand curved motion or how to answer "magnitude and location" questions. I know that if I reason things out, they shouldn't be so bad. Okay, my mind is separated like so - on one side I could imagine situations out and manually do the math or I could trust blindly in my calculus and arrive at the answer without really thinking about it. And I know I should do both. But after some time, I forget what omega stands for (radians/sec, I think) or what mu is equal to.

Organic Chem - oh gawd. I cannot understand the hybridizations. sp3? sp2? I'm answering the questions correctly but that's only because I'm memorizing the answers and situations in which the answers appear. I don't really understand it. And that is what scares me.

What if I become a really bad pharmacist? What if everyone will look at me in the future and say, "You are the worst pharmacist." or "If you can become a pharmacist, then I guess anyone can." Oh god. I don't know.

Biology? Man, it seems like biology is too easy. But I know it shouldn't. I know that there is a lot of stuff and the prof. is just sitting there talking about death or mumbling. I hate him. He's so old and I can't understand him.

Someone hold me.

I've got to remember to bring photoshop to the CG office tomorrow. And maybe some other programs. Ugh.