Today I was listening to my favorite podcast ever, The Feast of Fools . Well, it was an older podcast since I'm always behind on my podcasts. They had these two drag kings on the show and one was named Johnny T and when Johnny T spoke, I was so surprised to hear a female's voice. And it wasn't a butch deep female voice, it sounded like it came from a very petite usual female. And then I started to think about how I came to that conclusion.

It's so funny - this, our, identity. We like to associate words and feelings, memories and concepts together. Female voice belongs to a female, Johnny T belongs to a guy. But when things don't match up, we start to get lost. Our world is based on the connections we make between the language we use and the concepts we live by. Happiness would have no meaning if we did not have a word for it.

I was talking to Chris the other day and we were debating on the significance of naming inanimate objects such as cars. I say that names given to inanimate objects, such as cars, are significant because by naming something we own it. We incorporate it into our consciousness and begin to build some sort of relationship with it. Chris, on the other hand, thinks that the name given to a car would be insignificant because no matter the name, the car would still have its intrinsic properties (of being shitty of shiny). Although, I said, that I agreed with his point, I still have to argue that the point isn't the name itself but the very act of naming. If I did not name something, then essentially it wouldn't exist for me. It's not because I'm a slow and dumb person but because that's how humans are.

Language can be defined as the systematic naming of things. What about verbs? Well, you can still name an action. When you name actions, its easier to reproduce that action since you can just name the action and people would know what you did. Instead of dragging people along with you shopping, you could just say, "Yeah, I went shopping."

Back to the starting topic, our identity. There's always, for me at least, this image that I want to maintain to my peers. I want to be that funny and witty kid who knows how to have fun as well as be smart and whatever. But sometimes I fail and I'm nasty and cynical. Sometimes I hate coming out because by coming out, I believe that it adds another tag to my list of traits.

Witty, smart, charming, funny, gay.

Is it such a bad thing? No. But it shouldn't be one of my defining points. But sometimes I just can't help telling people - because they ask confining questions such as "You free for some coffee?" and I have to say, "Sorry, I'm taken." and they'll say, "Oh? by who?" and I'll see, "Chris, my boyfriend." and then I get the weird look two out of three times.

Back again to the starting topic. Johnny T was the name that she gave herself for her drag king persona and afterwards have adopted it for daily non-drag-king use. Her friend, Gremlin, is also the same story. It's funny how some people prefer to shed the name chosen for them and choose their own name. It's the issue of control. And this time, I believe that they're controlling something they should have complete control over - their identity.

What do you think, if no one was named either until one was grown up and one's personality has matured or one wasn't name until one was mature enough to pick a name for one's self. I think everyone has a nickname once or twice in their lives. Sometimes its a derivation of their given name (mine was DenDen in grade school and now its Denisito at work) but others are given by other people based on the traits we have. My lab partner calls me China. My organic chemistry classmates call me BoyGenius.

What a different world.

Sad, no one calls me sexy. Chris calls me Kitten Tits. I call him hunny bun. I need a new pet name for him. Suggest some, now!